All Since.

Escribí este poema por septiembre/octubre del año pasado, solo me atrevo a sacarlo a la luz porque ya no me siento así. Sepan que los sentimientos tienen fecha de caducidad pero las letras permanecen.


you wake up on a rainy day.
with terrible anxiety, after having some delusional nightmares
you've had them for a while
and when you don't, you desperately seek a negative thing to feel bad about.
the news, the weather, the alternate reality that you made in your mind that somehow lingers and keeps asking "when are you going to succeed?"
it is all since he left.
the days keep passing by, it's your body that doesn't move
you do everything, everything as if nothing happened
you even arrange plans with friends and promise to go this time
but you keep shedding into tears on every gap of free time you have on your schedule.

the same way your dreams came true
so did the nightmares
and all you want to do
is sleep no more

you only feel like an abandoned house
in the middle of nowhere 
its owner fled for a better life
slammed the door so hard all the pictures were shaking
and you're... there...

but not really
you can't really move
you can't really cry for help
all you do is wait
for someone that wants to restore your broken parts

all since.

"I died" you repeat.
"Something inside of me died"
and you can't help but think
how would have been if he had the decency to bury you... if he wasn't busy all the time
so you settle
and try to bury yourself
you long for the days
of crackling fire inside you
more than a house
you were a home
but he started studying abroad
so he changed his address
and your heart changed location on his bedside table

now I am a ghost
roaming around this empty house
just waiting for someone to tear it down.

-A