Excerpt from the book I will never write

Perdónenme amigos, lectores, gente ajena a mi
que no he podido escribir mas que poemas
de falacias, de tristeza unánime, sobre el principio del fin de una era.

I strongly suggest do not care for anyone's feelings but your own
do not pick parts of broken people
cuz then
you'll be picking their issues too

no matter how much empathy you have
try to bury it six feet under nonchalant lands
it doesn't matter if the problems are drowning the person

tell them you are afraid to swim
that once, you were thrown into a lake and since
you do not know how to grow scales
therefore you cannot save them
without killing yourself.

Shut out for every big opportunity
tell yourself you can't wake up before 7 AM
that the fee for a submit of a poem is too expensive
or that the place where the stand up is hosted is at the other side of town
that you will never succeed no matter how hard you try
if you don't take risks there is no chance of making mistakes at all.

Play it safe keep it casual
don't meet new people so you will not catch feelings
ask yourself "who needs love????"
love needs us to be alive
who needs company???? ..not me
when your skin's burning from desire and you long for a hand to hold
trough the hard times
or at least
the night
cuz loneliness is the worst company
Well.. many have survived 
you won't be any different than the rest of us.

Some people are graveyards
choose wisely where you'd like to bury this version of you
others are nuclear bombs
you can't predict if they will ever explode
but in case they do
they'll destroy you and leave you uninhabitable for hundreds of years
"No, I cannot live this way
like a ghost town the rest of my existence" -I think, staring at my reflection
before shutting myself forever to anyone
to anything
feeling the least I ought to feel.

You cannot blame humans for being imperfect anyway
the same way you cannot waste time hoping corpses will resurrect

so you must try to let go the dearly departed
But do not trust anyone
we are selfish machines
with mouths as guns loaded with words
who prefer to kill before swallowing their own bullets


At last, do not get attached 'cause people are like hummingbirds
and jump from a comfort zone to another.

I am not a cheap motel on the side of the road
where you can come, get some rest, feed, and inevitably leave paying the least you can afford.

I cheated on death and he asked for divorce

We all fantasize about death. This is a poem I wrote about him. 

There is a hole where your heart should be
and you stand just there at the edge of the cliff
"Should I kill myself?"
the bottom is not empty enough
you need a bigger silence to fill the void
you scream at the top of your lungs
"Should I kill myself already?"
the echo fades...

Nothing you think will convince yourself
to take a step back
to pretend you just took a glance to see
if there was water
or there were rocks beneath
the voices in your head saying 'do it'
the iron in your blood pulling you towards
you wish you were a cat
with seven lives ahead
just so you could spare this one.

He told me sooner or later I'll come for you 
and since, I haven´t stopped running away

but the cliff keeps appearing in daddy's backyard,

in the grocery parking lot,

at school...

and death keeps staring through the windowpane of my room.

you're sure the devil is speaking
but is he talking to you?
he shows you an obituary
asks if you like it or should he put your last name first.
maybe if I say
the names of all the persons I have loved and watched leave
death will stop whispering my name
convinced, if I am a walking agony
then I don't need a black hole to be dead in.

I haven't met death since then

the day I decided my body would not hit the bottom just yet.